I am so amazed each day at Colton's sweet, adventurous spirit. I love him so much and am just WOWED by his strength and abilities and personality! Oh, and he is SO handsome :-) I absolutely love being a mother.
It has taken me a while to be OK with the fact that motherhood got off to a rocky start for me. I had always imagined things a lot more different than they happened. Several BIG events happened all at the same time that weren't good news things and I felt like I never got the chance to enjoy the first little while of my first baby. I was also hit with post pardem depression which was TOTALLY unexpected and that jacked me up too. I have questioned my abilities so many times throughout the past 7 months and called my mother and sister more times than I have probably in my whole life. I am grateful for both of them and all of my girlfriends who have given me encouragement in just a exciting and transitional time in my life. I still get angry at times and sad when I think of how things "could have" been or "should have been" for me. It's easy for me to feel robbed of precious moments in the early days and it's tempting to feel that at times. However, when I step back and think of the kindness that others have so generously given me and my family and how much my Heavenly Father has taken care of me these past 7 months, I can't allow myself to feel that anger and it's replaced with an overwhelming love of motherhood and my ability to play such an important role. Each day through His help I am able to start replacing my uncertainties with strength and mommy intuition that is such an amazing gift.
Motherhood is the hardest thing I know I will ever do. It takes so much out of you but gives you so much. Sacrifice feels so good (most of the time....gotta keep it real here, naps and mommy time are needed too). It is so hard to imagine how such a tiny little body who needs everything from you can look at you a certain way, smile, babble and talk, learn something new and just make everything worth it.
Tonight as we settled down for bedtime, after some hilarious playtime outside where he was just laughing his heart out, I was rocking him to sleep telling him how much I loved him. I could feel his body getting heavier as he was sinking into a deep sleep. His tiny little hands made their way around my neck and over my shoulder and with a big sigh he was in a deep sleep. I couldn't let him go. I held him, pressing my cheek against his feeling his little body breathe in and out and felt my love for him shoot up and down my body and right out my tear ducts :-)
Each morning I am greeted with a song from Colton. He wakes up in such a good mood and ready to start the day. That helps me get out of bed. I love being his mother. I love how his zest for life and determined spirit just spill over into my day. There is so much to get done in a day. So much to juggle and work out. Good thing I am a creative person that is good at finding solutions :-)
The moments and pure joy and satisfaction I am able to experience with Colton now are helping get rid of those lingering icky feelings of not feeling like I got off on a great foot. What a lucky girl I am to be counted as a mother. What a lucky girl I am to have a son with such passion for life and is teaching me so much about perspective and fun and creativity (and patience!). Heavenly Father sure knew what he was doing with sending me such an amazing spirit.
Showing posts with label Inspiration. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Inspiration. Show all posts
Sunday, July 11, 2010
Monday, June 22, 2009
Beautiful quote on parenting
"Brothers and sisters, our children take their flight into the future with our thrust and with our aim. And even as we anxiously watch that arrow in flight and know all the evils that can deflect its course after it has left our hand, nevertheless we take courage in remembering that the most important mortal factor in determining that arrow’s destination will be the stability, strength, and unwavering certainty of the holder of the bow."
Elder Jeffery R. Holland
Elder Jeffery R. Holland
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
11 Weeks 2 Days.....The Journey Continues
So I haven't written in a while. I have been in bed a lot and home feeling sorry for myself. Just kidding. I have joined the millions of other women who experience a torrent of emotions during the first trimester and I am sure never subsides completely.
I wonder if I will be good enough. I wonder if I will be able to meet my babies needs. I wonder if I will have the strength and stamina to meet the demands that are looming in my future. I wonder what kind of little kindred spirit is inside of me. I wonder about all of the logistics of how we are going to make this work. I wonder about a lot of things. I mean, I have lots of time. I lie awake at night with insomnia mulling the joys and symptoms I experience during this thing we call pregnancy.
I wonder a lot. I also am amazed at the whole process. So many times I read a book on pregnancy and just tear up in excitement and joy and amazement. I also tear up at the thought of giving birth. I am not going to lie. I am scared, but getting better. I have went through a little spurt where I was feeling guilty because I didn't feel so joyous all of the time because I was experiencing so many nasty symptoms and I just plain didn't feel good. Then that got me thinking, "Well why am I not excited to be having a baby? Why do I feel so down?" And then I really thought about it and that was a stupid thing to feel guilty about in the first place. I AM EXCITED....SUPER SUPER EXCITED but I just feel like c-r-u-d and that's OK not to be over joyous everyday.
The point is I have to give myself time to adjust to this new role I am stepping into just like anything else; and that's OK. It's OK that life has slowed down a bit and I am taking care of myself. It's OK that Dusty has to do dishes and cook (aka eat out) ;-) because I can't do it for a brief moment. That's life and that's why we are a team. It's OK to be a little frightened of the unexpected [read labor]. I know that the Lord is with me and that I was made to be a mother from the very beginning of my eternal being. THAT gives me great comfort in this time of great excitement, confusion, sickness and joy.
All of the women who have gone before me give me strength and courage and hope and love for what is to come. I am empowered as I think that I have been chosen to be a vessel for a sweet little spirit to call my own here on earth and throughout the eternities.
I wonder if I will be good enough. I wonder if I will be able to meet my babies needs. I wonder if I will have the strength and stamina to meet the demands that are looming in my future. I wonder what kind of little kindred spirit is inside of me. I wonder about all of the logistics of how we are going to make this work. I wonder about a lot of things. I mean, I have lots of time. I lie awake at night with insomnia mulling the joys and symptoms I experience during this thing we call pregnancy.
I wonder a lot. I also am amazed at the whole process. So many times I read a book on pregnancy and just tear up in excitement and joy and amazement. I also tear up at the thought of giving birth. I am not going to lie. I am scared, but getting better. I have went through a little spurt where I was feeling guilty because I didn't feel so joyous all of the time because I was experiencing so many nasty symptoms and I just plain didn't feel good. Then that got me thinking, "Well why am I not excited to be having a baby? Why do I feel so down?" And then I really thought about it and that was a stupid thing to feel guilty about in the first place. I AM EXCITED....SUPER SUPER EXCITED but I just feel like c-r-u-d and that's OK not to be over joyous everyday.
The point is I have to give myself time to adjust to this new role I am stepping into just like anything else; and that's OK. It's OK that life has slowed down a bit and I am taking care of myself. It's OK that Dusty has to do dishes and cook (aka eat out) ;-) because I can't do it for a brief moment. That's life and that's why we are a team. It's OK to be a little frightened of the unexpected [read labor]. I know that the Lord is with me and that I was made to be a mother from the very beginning of my eternal being. THAT gives me great comfort in this time of great excitement, confusion, sickness and joy.
All of the women who have gone before me give me strength and courage and hope and love for what is to come. I am empowered as I think that I have been chosen to be a vessel for a sweet little spirit to call my own here on earth and throughout the eternities.
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
Caring People
Some of you know how much I have loved my doctor. I have dealt with hypothyroidism and she has helped me through so much. She has call me on weekends, in the evenings, before hours and ALWAYS listens to me and makes sure she understands me before she does anything. She has been the absolute best doctor I have ever had. She is even my friend. Well in January I had to switch insurance companies and she was no longer a network doctor!! SO BUMMED! But I called her office anyway and asked to speak with her. I was out of meds and needed her to call in a subscription while I found a new doc interim. When I told her I couldn't come see her anymore she was bummed too. She gave me her personal cell number and told me to call her any time and she would help me find another doctor that I liked.
Well I had a few kind of emergency medical questions and called her cell to see if she would help me find a new doc ASAP. She spoke with me for 40 minutes at 9pm and told me to call her back and keep her updated on my situation. I mean, seriously, what kind of doctor does this?! She has gone out of her way because she cares so many times. I am sure she has touched a lot of people's lives. I am not going to take advantage of that but its nice to know that she is there and truly cares.
I am grateful for caring people and people who are so ready and willing to impart wisdom, experience and helpful advice. I mean as a professional her time is valuable and can bill for that kind of consultation but she is just a kind person wanting to help. I am grateful for her and lots of others out there who inspire me to be a better person and be more giving.
Well I had a few kind of emergency medical questions and called her cell to see if she would help me find a new doc ASAP. She spoke with me for 40 minutes at 9pm and told me to call her back and keep her updated on my situation. I mean, seriously, what kind of doctor does this?! She has gone out of her way because she cares so many times. I am sure she has touched a lot of people's lives. I am not going to take advantage of that but its nice to know that she is there and truly cares.
I am grateful for caring people and people who are so ready and willing to impart wisdom, experience and helpful advice. I mean as a professional her time is valuable and can bill for that kind of consultation but she is just a kind person wanting to help. I am grateful for her and lots of others out there who inspire me to be a better person and be more giving.
Tuesday, October 07, 2008
Quote from unlikely sources...
I heard a powerful quote yesterday from an unlikely source, Jim Carrey. We all know him for his crazy antics but he is a big believer in positive thinking and the power of the mind.
"You put out what you think you deserve." ~Jim Carrey
I can't agree with this more. We, as a human race, are the ones that limit ourselves. We limit our success. We don't allow ourselves to dream and think big. Even if you are asked to dream up your "perfect life" scenario we tend to dream big, but only what we think is possible to actually achieve. Why do we do this? Are we afraid that if we dream big and come short that it is a message loud and clear that "the voice" was right. Ya know, that "voice" that tells you you can't, that you're not good enough or that you are undeserving.
It takes time and continuous training to let your mind think big. This quote listed above is very real. If we think that we are undeserving our actions will inevitably lead us to underachieve and bring to pass those negative thoughts. Then we tell ourselves, "See. I told you so. I'm not good enough. I shouldn't have even tried."
However, if we take the mental approach of acting as if. Acting as if you are already where you want to be. Acting as if you already have that nice lifestyle, awesome job, business etc. Acting as if you have already accomplished whatever it is that you wanted to. I don't mean to spend money that you don't have or anything even remotely close to that. Just the opposite. Successful people think different than mainstream America, a lot different. Think successful thoughts. Treat yourself with more respect than you currently do and respect your time as well. Allow yourself to be conscious. Be conscious of what and how you eat, where your time goes, where your money goes, what is important to you, what your goals are etc. Live and act with a conscious purpose.
If we "put out what we think we deserve" and we think we are undeserving, then our actions will make us fall short, live unconsciously, have self defeating and berating thoughts or just live in plain confusion.
On the other hand. If we "put out what we think we deserve" and we know that we are deserving, great things happen. Our actions will lead us to success over time. Jim Carrey actually wrote himself a check for $5 million dollars. He made the check out to himself and carried it around in his wallet. When we got turned down or feeling low, he would pull that check out and he believed it.
Another quote is "energy flows where attention goes"...I want to say this is from James Ray. But it all relates to the same thing. If we concentrate on falling short, not being "good enough" and our attention is focused on the negative, we will get negative results and energy. However, the opposite is true as well.
I honestly believe that Heavenly Father wants to bless us beyond our comprehension. He tells us that in the scriptures. He wants us to show gratitude and recognize abundance. Begin this cycle of gratitude - abundance - blessings. Put it to the test. "....prove me now herewith, saith the Lord of hosts, if I will not dopen you the ewindows of heaven, and pour you out a fblessing, that there shall not be room enough to receive it." ~ Malachi 3:10
You deserve it. I deserve it. Live consciously and see what will unfold. Dream big dreams. Think big thoughts----think HUGE! Stop listening to the voice and stop limiting yourself. You are worth it! Heavenly Father already knows it....He is just waiting for us to catch on!
"You put out what you think you deserve." ~Jim Carrey
I can't agree with this more. We, as a human race, are the ones that limit ourselves. We limit our success. We don't allow ourselves to dream and think big. Even if you are asked to dream up your "perfect life" scenario we tend to dream big, but only what we think is possible to actually achieve. Why do we do this? Are we afraid that if we dream big and come short that it is a message loud and clear that "the voice" was right. Ya know, that "voice" that tells you you can't, that you're not good enough or that you are undeserving.
It takes time and continuous training to let your mind think big. This quote listed above is very real. If we think that we are undeserving our actions will inevitably lead us to underachieve and bring to pass those negative thoughts. Then we tell ourselves, "See. I told you so. I'm not good enough. I shouldn't have even tried."
However, if we take the mental approach of acting as if. Acting as if you are already where you want to be. Acting as if you already have that nice lifestyle, awesome job, business etc. Acting as if you have already accomplished whatever it is that you wanted to. I don't mean to spend money that you don't have or anything even remotely close to that. Just the opposite. Successful people think different than mainstream America, a lot different. Think successful thoughts. Treat yourself with more respect than you currently do and respect your time as well. Allow yourself to be conscious. Be conscious of what and how you eat, where your time goes, where your money goes, what is important to you, what your goals are etc. Live and act with a conscious purpose.
If we "put out what we think we deserve" and we think we are undeserving, then our actions will make us fall short, live unconsciously, have self defeating and berating thoughts or just live in plain confusion.
On the other hand. If we "put out what we think we deserve" and we know that we are deserving, great things happen. Our actions will lead us to success over time. Jim Carrey actually wrote himself a check for $5 million dollars. He made the check out to himself and carried it around in his wallet. When we got turned down or feeling low, he would pull that check out and he believed it.
Another quote is "energy flows where attention goes"...I want to say this is from James Ray. But it all relates to the same thing. If we concentrate on falling short, not being "good enough" and our attention is focused on the negative, we will get negative results and energy. However, the opposite is true as well.
I honestly believe that Heavenly Father wants to bless us beyond our comprehension. He tells us that in the scriptures. He wants us to show gratitude and recognize abundance. Begin this cycle of gratitude - abundance - blessings. Put it to the test. "....prove me now herewith, saith the Lord of hosts, if I will not dopen you the ewindows of heaven, and pour you out a fblessing, that there shall not be room enough to receive it." ~ Malachi 3:10
You deserve it. I deserve it. Live consciously and see what will unfold. Dream big dreams. Think big thoughts----think HUGE! Stop listening to the voice and stop limiting yourself. You are worth it! Heavenly Father already knows it....He is just waiting for us to catch on!
Saturday, June 14, 2008
My First 5K!
I finally ran my first 5K today! When I got up this morning at 6:30 I woke Dusty up so he could wish me luck and the only thing he said was, "I have been thinking. Maybe you shouldn't run today. People usually train for these things."
Ha Ha Ha Ha.
In retrospect he was mostly right :-) It was a lot harder than I thought. I actually don't like running but I have always wanted to run a 5K. Go figure. I even had to stop off at a store and pee during the race. I took them literally and stayed really hydrated and it took a toll on me.
The race was called: Break the Silence and it was a run to help raise awareness and rally support for those affected by abuse and pornography. It was such a great race and their message was very powerful. Instead of having numbers on our backs we had messages from anonymous abuse and pornography victims, stats on the widespread and devastating effects of pornography etc. When you ran you read the messages on the backs of people in front of you and you really did feel empowered to keep going.
It was a free race but at the end a won 2 Jamba Juice gift cards and a t-shirt! :-) Overall it was a great day and I have something checked off my bucket list.
Thursday, April 03, 2008
I am mighty!
Check out this little personalized video a friend sent me. I feel like I can do anything after watching this! :-)
http://www.amy.rhoads.youaremighty.com/
http://www.amy.rhoads.youaremighty.com/
Tuesday, April 01, 2008
New Website from LDS.org
Here is a website dedicated to the teachings of Jesus Christ from LDS.org. I think it's a great site that is very well done. An excellent learning resource, testimony builder and missionary tool .
http://jesuschrist.lds.org/SonOfGod/eng/?cid=wpats1
http://jesuschrist.lds.org/SonOfGod/eng/?cid=wpats1
Thursday, March 20, 2008
Janice Kapp Perry, Susan Easton Black and Elder Richard G. Scott
Last Saturday the Relief Society in our stake celebrated the Relief Society's Birthday. Sister Janice Kapp Perry and her husband had been serving in our Stake as service missionaries for the past 3 years. This was sort of their farewell too. It was such a wonderful night I only wish that men and women both could have been there but it was such a sweet experience to have just women there.
Our stake has a deaf ward, Spanish ward, native American ward and "regular" wards in it. It is really neat to attend any kind of stake event because if someone deaf gives a talk there is a English speaking person on another microphone with someone else doing Spanish translations and vice versa for a Spanish talk. I remember attending the stake event and feeling that Heavenly Father truly does love all of His children and that we were all daughters of God. It was so neat to see so many different people from such diverse histories and cultures.
Sister Perry did a AMAZING program for us. She even wrote some songs just for our stake! She wrote one about Relief Society, a special native American song, one that she sang in Spanish etc. She talked about her journey in discovering her talents and testimony in writing the Children's Hymns. She is the lady who has written most of the Children Hymns we know today. She had said that her ultimate goal was to have a group of Primary kids sing one of her songs during a Church meeting. LOL Look at her know. Her songs are what bring the Spirit and personal testimony and revelation to people around the world! She is an amazing woman with a kind, gentle and positive spirit.
She spoke of conquering personal fears. It took her years before she had the courage to speak at firesides, Church activities and Sacrament about her songs because she was terrified. She spoke of a book that I just got done reading, Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway, and how that helped her overcome her challenges. To think that she was terrified to speak and to see her up in front of us singing solos and just having a great time was absolutely wonderful.
She encouraged us to discover our talents and to reach for our dreams and to not let fear hold us back from our potential. Look at her as a perfect example. If she would have given in to her fears and let her fear take control of her we wouldn't have so many of the beautiful primary songs that we have today!! What a tragedy that would have been.
It was a lovely night that gave me the encouragement and love that I needed on that very night.
A few weeks ago we had another fireside from Susan Easton Black. She is an LDS Author and prominent genealogist. She too spoke of discovering yourself and your talents and conquering fear. She shared personal experiences and struggles she had to face to get where she is at today. She shared stories of two boys who knew Joseph Smith and how their courage and testimonies give her encouragement when she needs it. She shared their amazing story of faith and how they are heroes to her. She also shared another pioneer story of a woman whose story has etched in her heart courage and power and a feeling that she can do anything.
Susan is wonderful to hear speak. Her personality is so fun and her knowledge is almost unbelievable of how much she knows of the lives of the pioneer Saints and especially of Joseph Smith. She has dedicated much of her life to studying his life and doing temple work for the early Saints.
She is the lady I had an opportunity (through work) to go and stay at her house in Nauvoo, IL last May and get a personal tour of Nauvoo and learn in tremendous detail stories of Joseph Smith and the Saints. What an experience!
Last Tuesday I had another opportunity to go to a BYU devotional to hear the Apostle, Elder Richard G. Scott!! He spoke much of the Savior and how if we study and truly come to know of the Savior's Atonement and what it means to us personally how much more productive and happy our lives can be! I LOVE to hear him speak. His voice is so kind and genuine. You feel so much love from him as he speaks. You really do feel like he is speaking just to you. If anyone is looking for an amazing book to read I recommend Elder Scott's book Finding Peace Happiness and Joy. It takes a little while to get through because there is so many things to ponder and re-read and take note with etc. but it is a book with a great experience tied to it.
I really do miss all of my family so much but I am SO THANKFUL I have many opportunities to be here in UT to just take a lunch break, walk down the street and hear an Apostle of the Lord speak to me. Wow! I can't even comprehend that at times. Dust and I have done well at taking advantage of the opportunities that are here and we have been so blessed because of them.
Our stake has a deaf ward, Spanish ward, native American ward and "regular" wards in it. It is really neat to attend any kind of stake event because if someone deaf gives a talk there is a English speaking person on another microphone with someone else doing Spanish translations and vice versa for a Spanish talk. I remember attending the stake event and feeling that Heavenly Father truly does love all of His children and that we were all daughters of God. It was so neat to see so many different people from such diverse histories and cultures.
Sister Perry did a AMAZING program for us. She even wrote some songs just for our stake! She wrote one about Relief Society, a special native American song, one that she sang in Spanish etc. She talked about her journey in discovering her talents and testimony in writing the Children's Hymns. She is the lady who has written most of the Children Hymns we know today. She had said that her ultimate goal was to have a group of Primary kids sing one of her songs during a Church meeting. LOL Look at her know. Her songs are what bring the Spirit and personal testimony and revelation to people around the world! She is an amazing woman with a kind, gentle and positive spirit.
She spoke of conquering personal fears. It took her years before she had the courage to speak at firesides, Church activities and Sacrament about her songs because she was terrified. She spoke of a book that I just got done reading, Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway, and how that helped her overcome her challenges. To think that she was terrified to speak and to see her up in front of us singing solos and just having a great time was absolutely wonderful.
She encouraged us to discover our talents and to reach for our dreams and to not let fear hold us back from our potential. Look at her as a perfect example. If she would have given in to her fears and let her fear take control of her we wouldn't have so many of the beautiful primary songs that we have today!! What a tragedy that would have been.
It was a lovely night that gave me the encouragement and love that I needed on that very night.
A few weeks ago we had another fireside from Susan Easton Black. She is an LDS Author and prominent genealogist. She too spoke of discovering yourself and your talents and conquering fear. She shared personal experiences and struggles she had to face to get where she is at today. She shared stories of two boys who knew Joseph Smith and how their courage and testimonies give her encouragement when she needs it. She shared their amazing story of faith and how they are heroes to her. She also shared another pioneer story of a woman whose story has etched in her heart courage and power and a feeling that she can do anything.
Susan is wonderful to hear speak. Her personality is so fun and her knowledge is almost unbelievable of how much she knows of the lives of the pioneer Saints and especially of Joseph Smith. She has dedicated much of her life to studying his life and doing temple work for the early Saints.
She is the lady I had an opportunity (through work) to go and stay at her house in Nauvoo, IL last May and get a personal tour of Nauvoo and learn in tremendous detail stories of Joseph Smith and the Saints. What an experience!
Last Tuesday I had another opportunity to go to a BYU devotional to hear the Apostle, Elder Richard G. Scott!! He spoke much of the Savior and how if we study and truly come to know of the Savior's Atonement and what it means to us personally how much more productive and happy our lives can be! I LOVE to hear him speak. His voice is so kind and genuine. You feel so much love from him as he speaks. You really do feel like he is speaking just to you. If anyone is looking for an amazing book to read I recommend Elder Scott's book Finding Peace Happiness and Joy. It takes a little while to get through because there is so many things to ponder and re-read and take note with etc. but it is a book with a great experience tied to it.
I really do miss all of my family so much but I am SO THANKFUL I have many opportunities to be here in UT to just take a lunch break, walk down the street and hear an Apostle of the Lord speak to me. Wow! I can't even comprehend that at times. Dust and I have done well at taking advantage of the opportunities that are here and we have been so blessed because of them.
Tuesday, February 12, 2008
Be A Johnny!
http://www.stservicemovie.com/
This video made me cry today. It's just what I needed. I have felt for the past little while like I am just floating around in life with no definite plan. I am working really hard to really solidify a vision for my life and what I want to do with it. Who I want to be remembered as. What will be my contribution to my family and the world? These are all very important questions that take you on a journey of discovery.
This video reminded me that no matter what part of the journey I am on in life, if I am a "Johnny" life will have meaning and purpose and my vision will unfold before my eyes. Johnny didn't treat the people he interacted with as customers or shoppers. He treated these people with enthusiasm, energy and he literally shared a part of his soul with these people everyday. In his own small, yet big, contribution Johnny touched the lives of those around him as he found what he could do best and did it with everything he had.
This is just the kind of picker-up I needed today to help keep things in perspective for me. Each of you that read this blog has SO much to offer this world. I see so many strengths ad talents in every one of you. We can all be "Johnny's" in our homes and communities. I know in many ways a lot of you already are. I love you all! Enjoy the video.
This video made me cry today. It's just what I needed. I have felt for the past little while like I am just floating around in life with no definite plan. I am working really hard to really solidify a vision for my life and what I want to do with it. Who I want to be remembered as. What will be my contribution to my family and the world? These are all very important questions that take you on a journey of discovery.
This video reminded me that no matter what part of the journey I am on in life, if I am a "Johnny" life will have meaning and purpose and my vision will unfold before my eyes. Johnny didn't treat the people he interacted with as customers or shoppers. He treated these people with enthusiasm, energy and he literally shared a part of his soul with these people everyday. In his own small, yet big, contribution Johnny touched the lives of those around him as he found what he could do best and did it with everything he had.
This is just the kind of picker-up I needed today to help keep things in perspective for me. Each of you that read this blog has SO much to offer this world. I see so many strengths ad talents in every one of you. We can all be "Johnny's" in our homes and communities. I know in many ways a lot of you already are. I love you all! Enjoy the video.
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